Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Listen sincerely; communicate effectively.

This week’s withdrawal of hope comes from HI – Chicago’s social lounge.  Where they have decorated with hopeful and motivational messages like the one pictured here.

We live for nothing if not to make life better for others. Striving to understand before explaining yourself is a simple way to put others first and hopefully, in turn, make life better for others.

It is hardest to understand someone who is different from us. The more different another person the harder it can feel to understand them. Success in this area starts with a sincere eager desire for learning about other people.

Here is my chance to give a plug for Hosteling International, Inc. and hosteling in general. When you hostel you live, for the short term, with complete strangers from all over the world. On this trip I met several Canadians who had fantastic stories about the Olympics in addition to a myriad of travelers with an even wider array of stories.

The next time you are thinking about a trip please consider Hosteling as a good way to get a better understanding of all the people in our wide wide world.

Peace.

New book by Richard Dedor. Published January 2010.

This week, while I’m away at a conference in the Windy City Chicago, Il (attending not speaking — a vacation, almost) Richard Dedor fills in for me.  Richard reminds us that “Anything Is Possible” as he tours the blogsphere for his new book by the same title. Check it out: www.anythingispossiblethebook.com.  Richard writes:

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

That quote precedes one of the first chapters in my book Anything is Possible and its part of the motivation I used in writing it (which was not an easy thing to do). This site is focused on personal deposits; in your bucket or someone else’s. In order to achieve our dreams we must get support from the people around us.

I recently read Andre Agassi’s Open and it was inspiring. Not just because I’m a tennis fan, but because I learned about all the people who helped him along the way. Countless people taught him life lessons and now he is making deposits to students at his charter school in Las Vegas. Andre had so many people supporting him and keeping him focused, and ultimately helping him build his life that after his last professional match in Arthur Ashe Stadium at the US Open, he thanked everyone for allowing him to, “stand on their shoulders to reach for my dreams.” We all need that from time to time.

Just like Andre, people have helped me on my journey as well. People have deposited hope in me that I didn’t have before. When you have that hope and belief inside and from those around you, everything is a little easier. Life becomes easier and your dreams are easier to chase.

Want to learn more about Richard?  Visit his blog, Finding Focus & follow him on Twitter to keep in touch! Also, Richard is offering his book at a discount!

Peace

Do you know who defines you?

Do you know who controls your destiny?

Do you know whose opinion of you matters most?

Find a mirror.

You define who you are and what is important to you. You control your destiny even though it may not always feel like it. Believe me I know this one personally — life can feel out of control sometimes! And finally your opinion of yourself is what matters most.

Peace.

Deep in my mind, is a “dream box.” The Olympics remind me. To open it. They said no one could run the 4 minute mile. Roger Bannister did & now high school students do it. I toss out withered dreams & insert new ones. Progress is made by one person building on the dreams of another. Today? Open your dream box. Dream big.

When was the last time you opened your dream box?

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

Finally the professor found a jug of water to pour in the jar. The professor was able to fit even more into the jar as the water poured through the sand, pebbles, and rocks. “Is it full?”

“Yes, now it is full!”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children, your religion – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.  The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

“The water and the sand are everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.” Likewise, “if you put the water in first it would overflow and spill everywhere!” “The same goes for your life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.”

Take care of the rocks first – the rest is just sand.

"Think..." Photo credit: H. Michael Karshis.

Never give up
on what you can’t
spend a day without
thinking about.

Seeing this quotation made me think of another friend on Facebook who had recently posted a quotation from Elenor Roosevelt:

People grow through experience
if they meet life
honestly and courageously.

This quotation reminded me of what Randy Pausch said in The Last Lecture:

It’s not about how to achieve your dreams.
It’s about how to lead your life.
If you lead your life the right way,
the karma will take care of itself.
The dreams will come true.

So what are your dreams? What have you had on your mind recently? Has there been something on your mind for as long as you can remember?

I know, from personal experience, that there is the temptation to suppress, disregard, or even reject, deny, and repudiate thoughts of our most important dreams. Not thinking about a dream that hasn’t come true is a sure way to avoid disappointment that it hasn’t come true.

This week’s withdrawal of hope asks everyone to honestly and courageously think about your dreams no matter how long ago the wish entered your heart. If you have a dream you can’t spend a day without thinking about then also remember that if you lead life well the dream will come true.

Peace.

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

“The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.”

From Jackie of Oconomowoc, WI (via Facebook):

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

In justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere! I love that one.

From Nathan Burnnet of Ann Arbor, MI (via Twitter):

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.

Check back next week to read about why you should never give up on what you can’t go a day without thinking about; Peace.

The theme and dedication of this year’s holiday series is children.  We ask what is it that the young ones can teach us? This week I ask:

If you fall down do you
get right back up?

For all the times I stubbed my toe or skinned half my leg wiping out on the bike! One summer I had a scab inches in width and length on my leg for half a month. Didn’t slow me down. I law school spring I stepped on my foot funny while playing basket ball. As an adult I let it interrupt my gym schedule for weeks! What was different about me as an adult?

So yes, getting right back up seems like advice to consider and follow more often. A client of mine told me a story about starting her business and going to the bank to set up checking. It didn’t go so well. The banker explained the various options and she didn’t know what she wanted and hadn’t really thought it through. Six MONTHS passed before she went back and got it sorted out. Six months of business lost for not getting right back up.

Randy Pausch in The Last Lecture writes:

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, a cliché. I love clichés. A lot of them, anyway. I have great respect for the old chestnuts. As I see it, the reason clichés are repeated so often is because they’re so often right on the money…

When I was a senior in high school, I applied to Brown University and didn’t get it. I was on the wait list. I called the admissions office until they eventually decided they might as well accept me. They saw how badly I wanted in. Tenacity got me over the brick wall…

Brick walls are there for a reason. And once you get over them — even if someone has practically had to throw you over — it can be helpful to others to tll them how you did it.

Peace

This season we’ve been exploring the theme of what that the young ones in our lives can teach us? There has been a two week break for the customary end-of-year posts. This is the second to the last in the 09-10 holiday series.

Here is an interesting fun source of inspiration for this week’s withdrawal of hope, a documentary movie you can see in full on YouTube called Google Me:

Google Me (For this week’s inspiration see time index 14:39.)

This week I ask:

Do you love unconditionally?

Strikes a personal chord don’t you think? Worth a ponder though. The video is a story about an ordinary man who “googled” himself and found a handful of others around the world who shared his name, traveled to meet them, experience their lives, and record it on film. One of the questions he asked each of his doplgangers included “what is man’s purpose.” They all had answers that related to loving others.

We started to year with a cautionary note from Dr. Seuss about avoiding the ominous “waiting place.” Click hear for ten ideas on how to avoid, or get out of, the waiting place. And remember “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain!”

In January and February a series of quotations from well-known (or not-so-well-known) presidential figures also inspired us in a presidential series to commemorate last January’s inauguration. Theodore Roosevelt reminded us that “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

One week we discovered what everyone wants in life through the movie Wild Things. “Question, what does most everyone what in their life? Answer, they want to be understood and accepted. Oh, yeah, and they want to be ruler of the world.”

Thanks for a great year everyone!